Three Little Words
by Beer-monster
Summary: My first step into the hectic realmof Gundam fiction. A 1xR story based upon an event in my own life. Heero gets drunk and says something that will risk his and Relena's friendship.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam, you already know that so please don't sue.  
  
  
  
This is a story about three little words. Each but one syllable long, a sentence  
possible to utter on the barest of last breaths. Yet these words have the greatest  
consequence. To say them is to destroy everything you know and are comfortable with  
and trust your fate to the winds of change. Hearts are filled with joy by these words,  
while others are broken beyond repair. They can cause the greatest happiness to one  
person, but cast another into endless despair. Once these words are said, nothing can  
ever be the same. However they are often said without a thought, by friends, families  
and lovers. They are often said at the wrong time, to the wrong person, and there are  
times when they are better of kept silent. Some people keep them locked away in the  
depths of their soul. But repressed feelings are doomed to grow stronger, and the  
words become inevitable. Those who read this be prepared, because I was not. Make  
sure you are prepared for everything that comes with saying I Love You.  
  
  
  
THREE LITTLE WORDS.  
by Beer-monster.  
  
  
" Okay Heero I promise this will be the last one," said the girl as she dragged  
her unwilling friend into the woman's clothes shop. The man grunted in reply, as he  
shook of her hand and followed her into the store. His Prussian eyes flashed keenly  
beneath his the dark, brown bangs of unruly hair. His gaunt face was tilted downwards  
to regard the young woman with an impassive frown.   
She smiled playfully at his obvious dislike for shopping, and her azure eyes  
gleemed with mirth between locks of honey-gold hair which shone radiantly with the  
sun in her hair. Cheerfully bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waited for her  
companion to stalk his way over to her, she began glancing at the racks of gown and  
dresses surrounding her. She was obviously very excited about something. She was  
also aware of how much her chirpyness annoyed the man with her, and was revelling in  
that fact.  
" You said that three stores ago Relena," Heero said sullenly.  
" Well I have to get a dress for the New Years Eve party tonight,." she merrily  
replied.  
" You have thousands of dresses hanging in your wardrobe."   
" Yes but this is a party with all my best friends and family, Milliardo and Noin  
are coming, so is Quatre. I have to look my best."  
That Heero did not understand. Too him she always looked perfect. Like an  
angel. Even now dressed in a loose blouse and a pair of faded blue jeans, she took his  
breath away. Suddenly she turned to him.  
" I'm sorry Heero," she said pointedly. " I know you want to be in the pub with  
Duo and the others but you are my bodyguard and you have to stay with me. Even if it  
means coming shopping."  
All that betrayed his surprise was the slight raising of his eyebrows. Relena  
noticed it however and smiled.  
" How did you know?" he asked.  
" I know you too well Heero." she replied then laughed.  
he thought as he gave her one  
of his very, rare smiles.   
She was write of course she did no him too well. Over the last year that he had  
been her official bodyguard they can become the closest of friends. She had worked  
tirelessly to see though the cracks in his soldier's mask, to see the man inside. To get  
to know that man inside. She was a life-saver to him. Just being with her made him feel  
the same peace that the world now shared, because of her. Because of her strength.  
She struggled endlessly to keep the nations in harmony, yet she still found the time to  
bring a poor soldier comfort. And that she did, just talking to her Heero felt the knots  
in his muscles untie themselves and the demons in his mind quiet. She had not found  
everything yet. He still kept somethings hidden from her. Especially his true feelings.   
Relena knew he was hiding something from her. She was his best friend but  
Heero was still Heero. The perfect soldier, stolid and impassive most of the time. It  
took a huge amount of talking and joking to get him to smile, but it was worth it when  
he did. He gave her so much, he protected her with unwavering vigilance, and brought  
her comfort when the pressure of her duty to the world got to her. He gave her a  
blanket when she was cold, a shoulder to cry on and a pair of strong arms around her  
when she wanted to weep. He even made her laugh without trying. She would rant and  
bitch about some stubborn politician or another, and Heero would calmly ask if she  
wanted him to shoot them. She was never sure if he was joking or not.  
But Relena could not give him half the comfort he needed. She still heard him  
at night, tossing and turning. Yelling and weeping at ghosts and phantoms of the past  
that still inhabited his dreams. She would creep into his room and hold him, eventually  
after the tears had dried and his monsters had fell silent he would still. But they would  
come back another night.  
" This one is gorgeous," Relena cooed grabbing a dress in a flurry of black silk.   
She held it in front of her, face alight with childish delight. Heero's heart lurched as he  
saw her become even more beautiful, he had not thought it possible as to him she  
always radiated beauty.   
" Can I see it," he asked.  
" No," she said.  
Heero's face remained impassive like always, but she could tell he was  
surprised by her answer.   
" You have the personality of a boulder remember. Not too mention your  
fashion sense. I mean green vest and spandex shorts, what were you thinking," she said  
as she shook her head in mock pity.  
Heero quirked his eyebrow at her sarcasm and replied with a simple " Hn!".  
She smiled and reached up to pat his head lightly as a mother might do to a  
child.  
" If you sit here and be a good bodyguard, a might just let you see it when I try  
it on," she said patronisingly.   
" Hn," he grunted again.  
She spun and turned towards the changing rooms. But before she had taken  
two steps the air was cut by a high pitching, rythmic whine. Relena started and began  
patting her person as if searching for something. Finally she reached into the left  
pocket of her jeans and pulled out the ringing device. She flipped up the silver sover of  
her mobile and greeted the caller with a beaming smile.  
" Hey baby," she cried ecstatically.  
Heero who was at Relena's side turned to the tiny video screen on the phones  
display, and looked at the face of Relena's boyfriend.  
Jonathan Robert Park smiled at Relena across the space between them through  
the marvel of digital technology. Fair, flaxen hear was swept into rough parting across  
his brown. The sparkle in his green eyes was visible even on the small screen, his eyes  
shone with a warm, emerald light Heero noticed, whereas his own glistened like cold  
and forbiddng blue ice. The man also smiled a dazzling, loving grin revealing rows of  
perfect, pearly teeth. Heero knew he practically never smiled, and even when he could  
bring himself to it was a cruel, sidelong smirk. Jonathan was a faultless match for  
Relena, kind and generous, loving and funny. Heero hated the man. But he made her  
so happy he could not begrudge him anything.  
he thought.   
The two lovers conversation was brief. Relena was dissapointed that Jonathan  
could not join her at her party. He worked as a security official on one of the more  
distant colonies, that combined with Relena's hectic schedule made their moments  
together brief and infrequent. But Relena longed for each one and when they were  
together they were wild and deleriously happy. Heero knew that for sure. He had often  
considered cutting off his own ears or rendering himself unconscious, so that he would  
not be forced to listen to them moaning and panting in the next room. He had endured  
torture sessions on mission, some which involved spikes and several thousand amps of  
direct current. None were as painful as hearing her squeal and whimper in pleasure, he  
wanted to die but had to settle for banging his head against the bathroom wall as he  
took a VERY cold shower.   
" I'll see you as soon as I can I promise," he swore to her.  
" Okay then," she said still obviously upset. " I love you," she said.  
Those words tore Heero apart in less than a second. He felt as if someone had  
plunged a white hot blade into his heart and was now slowly twisting it. His world  
collapsed and he felt such pain that everything else seemed lifeless and black, everytime  
she uttered those words. Three little words he longed for her to say to him. Three little  
words he could never find it within himself to say to her.   
Relena bought that black dress, though Heero never got to see it as the  
moment his friend stepped into the changing room, he was accosted by a bubbly,  
brunnette, sales assistant. Heero felt like clawing at the walls as the irritating girl  
planted herself in front of him and began flirting outrageously. The death glares he sent  
her way would have floored a rhinoceros from fifteen feet. The annoying harpy did not  
notice. Things were finally resolved happily when Relena emerged from the fitting  
room and promptly threw her arms around him. The girl blushed like a sunset and  
politely asked if Relena wished to purchase the dress. Needless to say Heero sprung  
for lunch.  
When they returned to the Peacecraft manor, Relena's trusted butler Paygan  
was overseeing the decorating and rearrangment of the grand ballroom. Various  
workmen and servants were bustling about carrying the ornate, antique furniture from  
the hall and replacing it with simple fold-out chairs and stools. The intricate protraits of  
past Sanc monarchs were taken out too, as well as the long velvet curtains. Things  
were being brought in too. Four huge stereo speakers were being wheeled on trolleys  
into the room were they were hooked up to an ornate, and hi-tech stereo system.   
Relena smiled mischievously to her self. Everything was going perfectly. This  
was not to be some stuffy, stiff-colared, up-turned nose, aristocratic, political function.  
This was HER party. She and everyone else was going to have fun. That, however  
required alcohol. Lots and lots of it.   
She turned to Heero, who was currently leaning against the wall staring angrily  
at the stereo. The man knew that Relena and Duo were going to force him too enjoy  
himself, he also estimated that Relena would drag him up and try to get him to dance  
with her. That disturbed Heero slightly. Relena knew what he was thinking and also  
knew that he was right.   
" Heero. Duo and Hilde will be over with the other in a couple of hours. And  
soon after that the guests will start to arrive. So I'm going to start getting ready, you  
should too." she said.  
" Relena it does not take men two hours to get ready for a party." He said  
sullenly. Relena rolled her eyes at the minor sexism. She knew he didn't really mean it  
but it was annoying nonetheless. " I think I'll go read for a while," he continued.  
he thought. He recalled how  
she had put her arms around him in the store. Remembered the warmth of her body  
and how it felt pressed against him even through their clothes. he  
mentally reprimanded himself. Dirty thoughts about Relena were not appropriate for  
her bodyguard.  
" Okay!" she said, and started off towards her room. Almost as an after  
thought shee added. " You know Heero, those black jean and white turtle-neck would  
be perfect for tonight." she suggested.  
He nodded slightly. That girl had all the subtlety of a twenty-foot tidal wave.  
Leaving his perch he followed up the stairs before turning into his room. Inside he  
pulled up the chair at the desk and booted his laptop. He thought it wise to  
double-check the security around the mansion, so began typing away and clicking his  
mouse. Fingers flying across the keyboard.  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
The music pounded against the walls of the ballroom,as the disco lights flashed  
a meriad of colours across the room. People crowded the dancefloor. Women wound  
their hips, and threw their heads from side to side in time with the percusive beats.  
Men tried to impress the aforementioned women with swaying, staggered, drunken  
attempts at dance. Off the floor people sat together laughing and talking, couples hid in  
the shadows kissng and fondling one another. basically it was your typical party and  
few people were without a drink.  
Heero stood leaning against the wall, arms folded and bangs hanging across his  
eyes as he glared at the bottle of beer in Duo's hand.  
" C'mon Heero, one is not gonna kill ya," the American pilot promised.  
" Hn."   
Duo's brows lowered over his violet eyes. He reached back and tugged sharply  
on his thick chestneut braid, as he often did when annoyed. He and Heero had gone  
drinking hundreds of times in pubs on the colonies and on earth. They had drunk,  
gargled, staggered, fallen over and pulled ( before he settled with Hilde) together more  
times than he could count. And now the man who could gargle whisky for a minute  
and a half, refused to drink. he would not alow it. He was a nineteen year old male,  
along with sex the persuit of alcohol was the most important thing in life.  
" Heero you love to drink, now stop being a wuss and down it," he snapped  
waving the bottle of budweiser before his stoic companion's eyes.  
" Duo have I ever told you you're a complete moron," Heero said coldly.  
" Yes lots of times," Duo piped. " But why this time."  
" Relena's here. I'm her bodyguard. I can't get drunk." explained Heero.  
Duo looked at him incredulously for a couple of long seconds, the grinned  
broadly. His face lighting up with cheer. Heero scowled in response.  
" Oh is that it?," Duo said. " Well I can take care of that."   
Turning so fast that his braid whipped through the air, Duo cupped a hand to  
his mouth and shouted across the room.  
" HEY HILDE! COME HERE FOR A MINUTE." he yelled.   
Heero rolled his eyes in exasperation. Does the man have no dignity? Shouting  
across the room like the great cretin that he is. He considered it fortunate that the  
music was so loud. Even so Hilde heard. Heero could not help but feel curious about  
how summoning his girlfriend would help Duo " take care" of his problem. Then he  
saw who was with Hilde, and his mouth dried and his breath quickened.  
Relena was stunning in her black dress. Long enough for modesty, but short  
enough so that Heero could see her long, shaply legs. The black silk shimerred with  
her every movement as the flashing lights lit her face beautifully. The dress revealed the  
creamy skin of her back between the thin straps which held the gown up on her curved  
shoulder. The material dipped low enough so that he could see the slopes of her  
breasts. Her golden hair hung lose, so that it fell in waves about her shoulders. She  
wore very little make-up, the tinyest hint of eye shadow and a touch of pink lipstick  
on her moist lips. It made her look natural, like Relena.  
It took all of Heero's trained discipline to keep his rocky, impassive mask.   
he prayed silently.   
Relena was also giving Heero appreciative looks. Although she had a boyfriend  
whom she loved, it did not take away her ability to see, or to appreciate handsome  
men. And Heero was looking very handsome. The shadows of the room played across  
his face in a way that brought out the strength in the lines of his guant face. His unruly  
bangs hung over his icy, blue eyes in that way that she had always found unbelievably  
sexy. He was wearing the clothes she had suggested, the form-hugging turtleneck  
accentuated his lithe muscles beautifully. The black jeans emphasised his long, agile  
legs. Even his scowl made him look good.   
A wet, smacking sound shook Relena and Heero from the admiring revelry.  
Turning they were not surprised to see Duo and Hilde passionately kissing. They  
almost never stopped even after a year together. Relena politely cleared her throat and  
finally they peeled themselves of each other. Duo grinned stupidly and wiped the  
lipstick smudges from his lips.  
" Anyway," he said almost deliriously.  
" Yeah so anyway," Hilde started before slapping Duo upside the head.  
" Owch!"  
" That's for shouting for me like I'm some kind of servant," she explained  
angrily.  
" Sorry," he said sheepishly, something Duo only did because of Hilde.  
" That's better, now what do you want?"  
" Heero won't drink with me," Duo whined.  
Hilde eyes widened. Now that was a surprise. She had seen Heero chug down  
some enormous amounts of beer and booze before. Not that he was a good drunk. The  
emotion-amplifying effects of alcohol had little effect on a man who had abandoned his  
emotions like Heero had. But still the fact that he wouldn't drink especially with his  
best friend was kind of odd.  
" Why?" was all she asked.  
" Because he's a miserable old man that why." Duo responded drily. " All he  
needs now is a pipe, slippers and a set of false teeth."  
" Duo, shut up before you suffocate us all with the bullshit coming out of your  
mouth." Heero spat.  
Duo ignored him and turned to Relena. " You see Rel. He won't drink because  
he's your bodyguard. He thinks he has to protect you."  
" Oh really," she said dangerously. The man irritated her endlessly. He was  
using his job as an excuse to avoid having a good time and acting like a normal person.  
Well there was no way she was going to let him get away with it. He was going to  
have to enjoy himself or die trying.  
" Heero you now have the night off." she said imperiously and then waited for  
a reaction. As usual she got none.  
" We have enough guards to ensure I don't get shot. So you are going to enjoy  
yourself. I order you to have fun I also order you..." she turned and snatched the bottle  
from Duo's hand. "... to down this beer."  
Finally she got a response as Heero began to protest.  
" Relena I..."  
" Down it," she commanded, and Heero dutifully guzzled away the entire  
bottle.  
" No I'm of to go and chat with Quatre and Dorothy, I don't want to see you  
without a drink for the rest of the night Got it." Relena continued impressed with her  
hard tone and amused at how much she was annoying Heero. With one last lingering  
look, she took in Heero's handsome form, perplexed face and beautiful eyes and left  
him standing there. Watching her go.  
he swore silently.  
" Duo?"  
" Yeah buddy," the american cheerily replied.  
" Get me another drink."   
  
" Maxwell you honourless jerk, have you been sneaking sips of my beer." Wu  
Fei yelled in the braided boy's ear.  
" Now Wuffie why would you think that," Duo replied with a false innocence.  
" Because you do it all the time. And don't call me Wuffie or I'll castrate you."  
" I don't think Hilde would be happy if you did that Wuffie."  
Heero almost sighed as he took another long pull from his fourth beer. You  
could tell that Duo and Wu Fei had drunk too much. The American was trying  
deliberately to annoy the staunch Chinese pilot, and Wu Fei was letting him succeed. It  
was the same every time, whether they were at a ball or a club, Wu Fei would yell and  
Duo would twisty his words and Wu Fei would yell some more. Still Heero had to  
admit it was pretty entertaining.  
" Maxwell, nobody wishes to hear the details of your sordid sex life you fould  
minded pervert."  
" Well if you're so opposed to people sharing their intimate details Wu Fei, I  
would go and stop Sally from talking to anymore people." Trowa said as he  
approached the table with Quatre.  
" Sally?" Wu Fei muttered weakly.  
" Yes. It seems she got chatting to Dorothy, you know what women are like.  
Anyway Dorothy was talking about a recent visit to China that she and Quatre had  
embarked on, when Sally mentioned your own recent visit and the ' interesting' hotel  
you visted. The Golden Lotus I think it was called."  
The colour had drained from Wu fei's face, his eyes were wide and his lip  
trembled slightly. A small sount came from his throat that Heero thought sounded like  
" Eeep,"  
The one emerald eye that was not hidden by Trowa's huge crest of hair  
sparkled with amusement. An emotion further evident by the sardonic half-smile. Trowa thought.   
" She was getting quite explicit when we left. Wasn't. she Quatre?"  
The blond boy nodded emphatically, already engaged in a violent struggle to  
keep from laughing.  
" Is it true that you let her tie your arms to the bed with a silk scarf."  
The colour that had drained from Wu Fei's face now flooded back, this time  
with reinforcements. The Chinaman's skin lit up, blushing several interesting shades of  
red. His lips moved but no sound came from him, his eyes were so open so wide that it  
looked as though his eyeballs would fall out of the sockets. Heero's own suprise ( and  
vast amusement) was only displayed by a quirk of his eyebrow and a whimsical smirk  
as he stared at Wu Fei. However he was surprised there was no sound as Duo's jaw  
dropped to the table. The Americans brow's looked as if they were trying to crawl up  
to his head. For once Duo was rendered completely speechless. It did not last though   
" WAH HA HA HA HA!" Duo burst into a chorus of uproarious guffaws.   
Hearing the braided boy violent laughter made Wu Fei embarrssment dissolve  
into rage. Yanking sharply on Duo's braid he threw the American aside and charged  
off across the room screaming.  
" WOMAN!"  
Quatre, still laughing, helped Duo up and took a seat next to him as Trowa sat  
across from Heero. Duo reached beneath the table and retracted two bottle of beer  
from the crate that he had stashed there for them all.he politely offered them to the  
other pilots. Heero drained his own bottle as Duo watched him.  
" Heero, you wanna another on buddy?" he asked.  
Heero gave his friend a death glare.  
" Don't ask stupid questions Duo." he said coldly.  
" Er... I'll take that as a yes,"  
" Duo why do you have box of Carling hidden beneath the table?" Quatre  
asked.   
" Saves us walking across the room to get more booze," Duo replied as if was  
the most simple thing in the world.  
" Oh silly of me to ask."  
A moment of silence passes filled only by the sound of Heero and Duo popping  
the lid on the bottle and taking a swift swig before the suds spill over. Finally Duo had  
had enough, this was a party. He was not about to let his friends sit about silently.  
" So Trowa, did Sally really say all those things about silk scarfs and Wuffie."  
Duo said with a slight slur that indicated that the alcohol as taking effect.  
" No." Trowa replied simply.  
" Then its not true?" Heero asked.  
" Judging by his reaction I'd say it was true," Quatre surmised.  
" Well how did you know?" Duo was obviously intensely curious.  
" I didn't know I just suspected."  
" Why,"  
" Because he always seemed to be stroking his wrist as if they were chafed."  
That was typical Trowa. He hardly said anything, but that allowed him to see thing  
most people missed because they were too busy babbling about nothing.   
" Then how did you he would react like that, and how did you know he  
wouldn't deny it.?"  
" People will believe anything, if they want it to be true  
Quatre had definitely had too much to drink. In fact Heero was starting to feel a little   
'merry' himself.  
" But that's beside the point. Trowa still shouldn't of tricked Wu Fei like that.  
He's our friend." said Quatre once again taking the moral high ground.  
" Quatre you just don't know how to have a laugh. You're just like Mr  
Miserable- suicidal man here," Duo said gesturing to Heero.  
" Yeah and your Mum," Heero responded presenting 'the bird' to Duo and  
taking another gulp of beer.  
  
1 HOUR AND TWO BOTTLES LATER  
  
" So the bat says ' Well I fucking didn't.'" Duo said before collapsing in  
laughter.  
Heero just sat staring at the chortling pilot as if he had never seen him before.  
That was possibly the worst joke in the history of the world. Hell it was probably the  
worst sentence in the history of the world. Better things were said when General  
Custer shouted " Charge. " Just how could Duo find some so pathetic so amusing. It  
was time to get up and try to avoid talking to people for the rest of the night.   
Grabbing his beer Heero stood up and walked off, without a word of  
explanation to Duo. As he walked around the room he saw some familar faces.  
Several of Relena's friends from her school and office smiled and undressed him with  
their eyes as they saw him pass. He turned his face away indignantly. Across the room  
Zechs Marquise, or as he now acknowledged himself Milliardo Peacecraft, stared at  
him sternly. Zechs respected Heeros' ability as a soldier and so was pleased that he  
was Relena's bodyguard, but that did not mean he trusted Heero. Something about  
Heero threatening to kill his sister several times over. Heero hid his beer bottle behind  
his back. It just would not do for Zech to find out his sisters guardian was getting  
pissed. Heero reponded to Zech's stares with a nod and a glare, then almost sighed as  
the plaintinum haired man was distracted by Lucrezia Noin whispering in his ear. Then  
Heero noticed a flash of pink, and knew they were not whispereing. The wide, dopey grin on Zech's face was all the conformation  
he needed, as he hurriedly turned away.  
he  
thought with disgust. This party was getting out of hand. But at least it was a laugh.  
" Heero," came soft musical voice from behind him.  
he though before turning and issuing a curt " Relena."   
Relena looked him over, before taking a dainty sip from the bottle of Archer's  
in her hand. It was the only thing she could think of to pull herself from his eyes. She  
tried concentrating on another part of him, but there was not a single inch of him that  
did not make her breath quicken. She took another long swig of her drink before speaking.  
" What are you doing wandering about Heero?" she asked.  
" Avoiding Duo," he replied.  
She laughed a little at that, she knew that even the Perfect Soldier's patience  
was sorely tried by Duo. Heero hated chirpy people. Happy-go-lucky types just rubbed  
Heero the wrong way. And Duo was the crown prince of cheerfullness.   
" Well, I could ask Hilde to take Duo off your back and put him on his."  
Heero smirked. " If I didn't know better I'd say you were making perverse  
innuendos Relena," he said drily.  
Relena playfully poked her tongue out at him, and was rewarded with a  
frivolous replica of Heero's death glare. As silence fell between them, Relena listened  
to the music which echoed in the hall. Currently there was playing, the kind of fast  
paced anthem that was popular in most nightclubs. Fast base and a haunting electrical  
melody blended together in a rhythm that set her pulse racing and her foot tapping.  
The music made her feel like a caged animal, the sexy sounds filling her mind. She  
glanced over at the dance floor.  
" Heero would you like to dance."  
Heero stared at her silk clad body, drinking in the shapely curves of her legs  
and the expanse of her creamy white skin, revealed above the top of her dress as he  
gazed down into the shadows of her cleavage. Then he realised she had spoken.  
" Huh?" he muttered forcing himself to look at her eyes, and soon regretting it  
as he felt himself being pulled into those azure pools.   
" Dance, Heero do you want to."  
" Thank you Relena, but I'd much rether not make a complete arse of myself."  
" C'mon Heero it's not like you have a choice about this." she said taking his  
hand and pulling him towards the dance floor.  
" Besides, "she wispered to him. "This way you can get yourself some action.  
I've seen loads of girl here checking you out. It would be easy for you to pull."  
" Yay." he muttered sarcastically.  
" Of course you would have to display a personality more warming than that of  
the grim reapers."  
" Sounds like too much hard work," Heero said caustically.  
Relena brought them to an open space near to the left of the dancefloor's  
centre. The lights flashed their bright colours around them and the music pulsed in  
their ears. Relena began to move to the beat, shaking her hips and stepping seductively  
with the music. Heero by constrast was practically stood straight, barely moving  
except to shuffle on his feet half-heartedly. She knew he could dance as they danced at  
her birthday party years ago. Now he simply refused to dance because he was too  
proud to dance in front of his friends. That Relena had to fix, with some daring.   
She gazed at Heero through her lashes seductively. Heero stared back blankly.  
she thought  
She moved closer, letting her hips swing as she approached. Heero looked down at her  
unfazed, when ran her fingers across the thin material of his turtleneck, feeling the  
ridges of the muscle beneath. Heero stiffened. I love a challenge she said silently  
and she smirked slyly. She then let her fingertips trail along his jaw line, allowing her  
nails to graze his chin. His eyes widened.  
" Relena wha...." he began.  
" Shhh!" she muttered placing her finger over his lips.  
She leaned over, taking his hand and moving his arm so that it was wrapped  
around her waist. She slid her own hand up his thigh, over his buttock before it came  
to rest on his hip. Her body was pressed against his, and she could feel his lungs  
pumping like bellows against her.   
" Now Heero, we dance." she whispered in his ear.  
The expression on his face was amazing, the soldiers mask had crumbled.  
Heero's prussian blue eyes were open wide, his mouth hanging open. Finally regaining  
his composure and replacing the mask, he glared at Relena. The honey-haired girl  
simply ignored him as she began winding her hips sensually. Using her grip on his waist   
she forced him to move his own hips.   
He did not know whether or not it was th alcohol pulsing through his veins or  
the return of his long repressed sex drive, but he began to dance with Relena.   
They writhed together sinously, Heero's hands sliding down to clutch Relena's  
waist. She slid her legs between his and pressed herself to him, holding him as they  
wound together.  
Heero noticed his mouth had gone dry, and he was forced to lick cracked lips.  
For once he cursed his heightened soldier's senses, the feeling of Relena's arms and  
body overwhelmed him. His head spun as her sweet perfume wafted into his nostrils  
and made his heart race. The music pulsed in his ears filling him with adrenaline. His  
self-contol faltered as he could not help but run his fingers over the curves of her body.  
  
  
" Wow it seems like there is a man with dick under that soldier shell of his."  
Duo said.  
" That's an eloquent way of putting it Duo," Quate commented drily.  
Trowa said nothing. He lounged in his chair arms folded and legs outstretched,  
watching the two dancers intently. He often said nothing. Most people when they met  
him thought him insociable and stolid. He simply did not see the point in talking unless  
he had something important to say. People did not seem to see how much they failed  
to notice because of incessant jabbering. While other people talked he saw things that  
others missed, all of the little details. But anyone could see the attraction between  
Heero and Relena. No-one could miss the way they were drawn inexorably to one  
another. It was one of the most basic, scientific laws of the universe. The Princess of  
Peace and a blood-stained Perfect Soldier. Such total opposites, but they both  
possessed a strong will. And when powerful opposing charges meet they will be  
attracted in a reaction which dwarfs all else. It was a fundemental fact of nature and  
anyone could see it between those two. But to Trowa's patient perception, the  
attraction was explosive. When Heero looked at her or when Relena lightly touched his  
arm, bright sparks flew violently as if the very air about them was charged with potent  
electricity. Relena might love her new man passionately, and Trowa did not doubt  
those feelings were genuine. But she would always be bonded to Heero, as if their  
heartstrings were intertwined.  
" I can't help but feel sorry for them," Quatre said. " It often seems such a  
tragedy they did not get together.How happy they could have been."  
" And now there's Jonathan," Duo said sadly.  
" He's a nice guy Duo. She loves him."  
" Yeah I know."  
" Still you gotta say they're tearing it up, and are getting quite hot." Duo  
continued to stare at the couple, idly tugging at his collar as if to vent off steam. His  
voice trailed of in distraction as he continued to gaze on the dance floor. " Very  
hot."Suddenly he jumped up, and began blushing profusely. " Hey I gotta go find  
Hilde, see ya later." Trowa watched him bounce away in search of his girlfirend and   
hopefully an empty bedroom.  
  
Relena was starting to regret teasing Heero. She had not anticipated the effect  
being this close to him was having on her. His gaze captivated her as he stared down at  
her, his death glare seeming bewitchingly sexy. The masculine aroma of his cologne  
clouded her senses. She could feel the strength and desire in his hands as they ran over  
her, she shivered at the sensation of his muscles bunching beneath her fingertips.   
She pulled her eyes away from Heero's before they swallowed her in their  
depths.   
The rapid rythym of the wild music finally slowed before stopping. In its place  
rose a haunting melody rendered on piano and violin. The song was tragic in its slow  
and pure romance. Heero and Relena sprang away from each other, her face was  
flushed. Around them couples took to the floor, holding each other close as a soft  
voice filled the air with song.  
  
Did you ever love somebody,  
So much that the earth moved...  
  
Heero turned away poising to walk from the dancefloor. Relena caught his  
hand and pulled him back to her.   
" I haven't finished dancing with you yet, Heero." she said loftily.  
" But Relena, this is different" he said stubbornly.  
" Why?" she sked. " Because this is a love song and not just innocent false  
flirting. Why does that mean we can't dance."  
" It just does..." he said petulant at not having a good answer, for once.  
  
Did you ever love somebody,  
Even though it hurt to...  
  
" Heero," her voice softened so that his name souded like a caress. " You're  
my friend, my best friend. That's what I want. Lets set aside the silly games we play  
with each other, dance with me as my friend." she implored and Heero could not  
refuse.  
He stepped towards to her, allowing her arms to link gently around his neck,  
her hands pressed against his shoulder blades and pulling him closer. Heero wrapped  
his right arm gently around her waist, his left resting tentatively on her shoulder. They  
leaned upon each other, their faces touching cheek to cheek. Gently holding to each  
other they began to sway to the gentle melody.  
  
Did you ever love somebody,  
Nothing else your heart could do...  
Did you ever love somebody,  
Who never knew.  
  
Trowa watched from his seat, his heart almost melting at the sight before him.  
If he had seen sparks before, now there was a blossoming light between them. It  
glowed with the warmth of the sun and enveloped the like a radiant halo. Before it had  
been clouded by competition, sexuality and flirtation. Now such obstructions dissolved  
and the bond between Heero and Relena was revealed in its purest form. However the  
pain that was not revealed by Heero's cold fascade, was shimmering in the icy shine of  
his eyes.   
  
Have you ever laid your head down,  
On the shoulder of a good friend.  
And then had to look away somehow,  
Had to hide the way you felt for them.  
  
Heero heart ached. He listened in disbelief to the ethereal lyrics wound through  
the air around him. It seemed as if someone had peeked into the inner workings of his  
soul. As if the stoic walls and scarcastic barricades he had build up around his  
emotions had been broken into, and the contents given to a woman to sing about. The  
song so clearly revealed the feeling he had never shared, not even with Relena. And  
that was his most ardent regret in a life ridden with them.  
  
Have you ever prayed the day would come,  
You'd hear them say they feel it too.  
Have you ever loved somebody,  
Who never knew.  
  
Relena could feel the soft warmth of his breath on her neck as they danced. She  
moved closer to him, taking comfort in his presence. His form did not yield as she leant  
into him, he remained a pillar of strength. One that she could always count on to  
support her in times of need, or whenever she wanted a friend. Without him she would  
not have had the will to bring peace to the ESUN. Without him she would not have  
met Jonathan, or had the courage to make their relationship work. A relationship that  
brought so much joy into her life. He was her guardian and her friend and she would  
never wish him gone.  
  
And if you did,  
Well you know I'd understand.  
I could, I would  
More than anybody can.  
  
The sense of peace that held them shattered with the shrill ring of a mobile  
phone.  
Did you ever love somebody,  
  
Relena's face lit up with elation as she recognised the beautiful image of the  
man displayed on the small view screen.  
  
So much that the Earth moved.  
  
The sparkles vanished from Heero's eyes, swiftly replaced by the dull shadow  
of pain as Relena excused herself to talk on the phone.  
  
Did you ever love somebody,  
Even though it hurt to.  
  
Heero clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white, the pain  
inside dulling the sharp sensation of his nails digging into the flesh of his palm. His jaw  
tightened as he watched Relena walk happily from the dance floor.  
  
Did you ever love somebody,  
Nothing else your heart could do.  
  
He stood alone on the dancefloor. The gentle swirling of the romantic disco  
lights cast shifting shadows on his face. All around him couples tenderly danced with  
each other, taking comfort in each other. Heero was on his own, standing stiffly as if  
shell-shocked.  
  
Did you ever love somebody.  
  
Setting his face grimly, he strode purposely across the room. People lept out of  
his path, intimidated by his fierce expression and flaring death glare. He headed directly  
for the table at the side of the room where crates of beer, alco-pops and bottles of  
spirits were arrayed for peoples enjoyment, along with stacks of paper cups. He was  
going to get very drunk.  
  
Like I love you.  
  
Heero immediately grasped a large bottle of Glenfiddich Scotch whisky.  
Spinning the cap off, he poured himself a large cup full, which to anyones reckoning  
was a least a pentuple measure. He swifty lifted to cup to his lips and knocked back the  
contents. He found a little succour in the fire which arouse in his belly. Then he bought  
bottle to cup again and repoured.  
  
Like I love you.  
  
AN INDETERMINABLE PERIOD OF TIME LATER, THE EVENTS OF WHICH  
ARE CLOUDED IN AN ALCOHOL INDUCED HAZE.  
  
Heero kneeled over the toilet, supporting his self with his hands upon the seat,  
as he vomited violently. His sides ached and his troat was raw as ejected tides of acidic  
bile from his gullet. After several bouts of retching, he rolled over and slumped against   
the bathroom wall. he thought  
thinking back to that last beverage, an unholy mixture of whisky, gin, vodka and an  
apple hooch. Not pleasing to the mouth or stomach.   
" Now what," he asked out loud.  
He had to do something besides sit in the bathroom. Drinking immediately after  
being sick was never a good idea and therefore he needed another occupation. He  
really did not want to talk to the other pilots, the pain from the events of the  
dancefloor was still too near.   
he thought with a weak smile. . Then noticing the  
blurs swimming in his vision he mentally added I think.   
Finally he awkwardly scrabbled to his wobbly feet and staggered from the  
bathroom. Making his way to the ball room he blinked in surprise and sat/fell over into  
a seat. The room was empty but for a few servants who were scattered across the great  
hall .   
The sound of heeled shoes clicking against the floor was like a drum  
resounding inside Heero's skull. He looked up through blurry eyes in the direction of  
the sound. Relena was walking with a bounce that was almost skipping. She had a  
beutiful smile on her lips which lit up her entire form like a halo. Heero's heart lurched  
to at the sight of her, and he damned the alcohol for not dulling the pain like he wanted  
it to.  
" Hello Heero, have we drunk a little too much?" she asked a little too sweetly.  
" Hn" he replied.  
" C'mon. It's nearly two o'clock in the morning. And I have a mountain of  
paperwork in the office for tomorrow."  
Heero nodded his agreement and attempted to stand, however the beer and  
whisky returned and made the roomk spin around him. He stumbled heavily into  
Relena, nearly sending them both sprawling.  
" You really did drink to much." she said as they both wavered back and forth  
trying to remain standing. Heero did not reply, instead his blinked rapidly and shook  
his head trying to clear his brain. Relena took hold of his arm and put it across her  
shoulder, giving him the extra support he needed. Together they began making their  
way towards their rooms.  
Heero felt Relena body against his, smelled her intoxicating perfume. He felt  
the strirring of long repressed emotions, his trained will was weakened by alcohol and  
the tides of emotions continued to crash against his defensive walls. She was being  
kind to him,as she always had been. She was the first person ever to show concern for  
him, after the girl and her dog. He could not remember his parents, so there was no  
recollection of Motherly love. All he could remember was Doctor J and his training,  
the blood,sweat and tears . Now she was showing once again that she cared.  
At the top of the stares he pushed her roughly away, the soldier inside him  
unwilling to accept her help. He heard her slam against the wall, and immediately guilt  
welled up inside of him. Now he was acting like a drunked jerk. He was furious at  
himself but first he turned to Relena.  
She was staring back at him, her expression full of confusion and a little hurt.  
She rubbed absently at a small bump on her head as she spoke his name so softly he  
barely heard it. He looked at her softly, taking all of the hardness from his gaze, as he  
did only for her.  
" I'm so sorry Relena," he whispred and felt his internal walls weaken against  
the emotional waves.  
His hand strayed up the her head, and genty massaged the bruise he had  
carelessly caused.  
" Heero," she said.  
He did not hear her, as his fingers ran through her golden tresses. He slowly,  
brushed the hair from her eyes, not seeming to notice he was doing it. Fingers that  
were calloused from years of weapons training traced along her skin with a touch so  
gentle, that she could not feel his fingers but rather the tingkling sensaition that  
remained after his hand passed. He carressed her cheek, then he softly followed her  
jawline to her chin, sliding his fingers lightly along her lips. Cupping her chin with his  
fore-finger he tilted her head up so that he could look into her eyes. He studied each  
swirls of sky blue that shone in her irises like the facets of a sapphire, and he felt the  
walls break and the tides run free. His emotions consumed his very being, and the three  
little words that he had held back for so long were ushered from his lips.  
" I love you Relena," he whispered.  
Her eyes widened and the breath in her throat caught. Slowly he leaned in and  
brushed his lips against hers. His arms wrapped themselves around her as gently kissed  
her, entreating her to respond. After what seemed an eternity ashe did. Their lips met  
and touched so softly the very nerve endings of their lips seemed to melt. Heero felt  
complete for the first time in his life. Such joyous moments do not last however,  
although they may create a universe in which two people can exist and share such bliss,  
they can only span a heartbeat in real time.  
Heero's eyes snapped open and her broke himself away.   
he thought frantically. He heart was  
punding and he Relena looked at him thinking she saw a caged animal trapped inside a  
man. he yelled at himself mentally before  
tunring for the bewildered girl and running into his room.  
Relena watched him go, pangs of heart ache and confusion battering her.   
she thought. She heard his door slam and she slowly made her way  
to her own room, next to his the sound of heeros voice uttering " I love you," flogging  
her all the way. Robotically she stripped and  
climbed into bed, her last thought before falling asleep were .   
Only silence answered her.   
  
THE END??  
  
This story is dedicated to Stephanie Strafford.  
  
Author's Notes- I would like to explain my reasons for writing this story. The fic is  
based upon a recent experience of my own and I wrote this to exorcise the pain of that  
event. As Bram Stoker wrote Dracula after a series of recurring dreams about  
Vampire, I write this in hope that it will bring me confort from the events. Now you  
also know why the introductory paragaraph was so melodramatic, the feeling were  
fresh then.  
Also about the depiction of the characters. Firstly I would like to say I do try to  
keep the cast IC, but I wanted to make allowances for how the characters would  
mature over the years since the series end. Therefore I wrote Heero as impassive but  
not uncaring as I feel the years would teach him the good in life, I also made Relena a  
bit more independent and frivolous, as a couple of years around Duo would do.   
I also hope nobody objects to the emphasis on alcohol and parties and a little  
sex. But try to remember pilots or not these characters are TEENAGERS and  
therefore have all the hormonal impulses to have sex and drink as any other group of  
youths. However I do admit I may be a little biased as I am English and getiing pissed  
off our faces is an important part of our culture.  
Finally I would like to stress that Relena does genuinely love her boyfriend  
Jonathan and is not currently secretly in love with Heero while the Jonathan is just  
there for plot. I did however want to emphasise a strong attraction both physical and  
emotional between Heero and Relena, if this is will develop into stronger feelings is a  
topic I would concentrate on if I get enough goof review to warrant continuing.  
  
Thanks for reading   
Beer-monster. 


	2. Denial: Only a friend

Disclaimer: Blah Blah don't own yadda yadda don't sue. Please. 

Three Little Words 

By Beer-Monster 

Chapter 2 

Denial : Only your Friend. 

The first rays of the morning sun fell through the open curtains, and crept slowly across the black sheets as the sun rose gently over the caps of the Sanc Kingdom's mountains. The light illuminated the dark ripples of the fabric until the sun had reached such as height as to shine fully upon the head of unruly brown hair that barely peaked out above the covers. The dawn concentrated all of its light upon that head, until it stirred lethargically and groaned. 

" Damned Morning," Heero muttered as he sat up and peered around his dimly lit room with the bloodshot eyes that were indicative of a hard nights drinking. _The day always manages to find you even when you don't want it to,_ he thought. 

He glanced over at the clock which was flashing the digits _6: 36. _It was far to early to be moving about or even to be awake, especially considering he felt as if his brain had been used for the ball in a championship squash game. Dragging himself out of bed he stomped over to the window and yanked the curtains closed, then he noticed that his throat was parched and his lips felt dry and cracked. 

He sighed loudly and made his way to the bathroom, once again cursing the morning and his own overindulgence of alcohol. The sound of tap water splashing into a glass tumbler had never seemed so loud, the noise almost deafening his hangover heightened hearing. Heero took two large gulps from of the cool liquid, swilling the last one around his mouth and relishing the sensation of moisture returning to his mouth. He then stared at the barely recognizable reflection in the shaving mirror. 

Then the face morphed and twisted becoming another. This face was beautiful beyond all 

human speech, possessing long golden waves of hair and sparkling sapphire eyes. He could barely recall those eyes gleaming with wonder as he clumsily ran his fingers along her cheek. Then the confusion and fear in those irises and he whispered the words he swore that he would never utter. 

_" I love you Relena,"_ those words echoed in his head again and again resounding off of his mental walls. The tumbler fell from numb fingers and shattered against the tiled floor. Water spread across the tiles and carried with it a thin, red streak of blood from where the glass had cut his foot. 

" What have I done," he asked his own reflection, it answered with a blank stare. The accusation of his own Prussian eyes was overwhelmed him. With a viscous snarl he thrust his fist through the mirror, shards of reflective glass exploding away from the impact. 

_You fucking moron_, he mentally screamed at himself. Spinning around he snatched onto the shower curtain and tore it from its rail. __

_Moron, moron, moron _he berated himself as he repeatedly slammed his fist against the wall, creating a deepening crack after every punch. Eventually his Soldiers instinct returned, bringing his wild emotions under a will of iron as Doctor J had taught him through childhood years filled with pain. He slowly walked back to his room and stared at the ceiling, blood running from the knuckles unnoticed and invisible against the black sheets. 

***** 

In the next room Relena lay in a similar position, laying in bed staring upwards into then seemingly endless gloom, she had lay there all night, quiet and still, but sleep eluded her with the cunning of a fox hiding from the hunter. And so she lay, with only the noises of the night and her own thoughts as company. 

_Heero said he loves me_, that thought had revolved in her mind many times, like a wheel it continued to rise, fade and then return. _Heero said he loves me_, said the voice in her mind. The voice of a fifteen year old girl, who had become impossible entangled in war and fallen for a stolid soldier, her own knight in armour. 

_But did he mean it_, answered the voice of a grown woman, a logical and determined politician who had strived long and hard to accept that her knight would be no more than her friend and had found love in the arms of another man, who loved her. 

_Of course he meant it, Heero never says anything he doesn't mean_, said the girl. 

_He was drunk, very drunk._

_So?_

_So, he probably had no idea what he was saying_

_Just because his words were slurred does not make them false._

_He doesn't love me, _rebutted the woman. 

_He said he did, _answered the girl with glee. 

_But why now, after all this time?_

_Why not? _

_Besides I love Jonathan,_ argued the woman. 

_That is true_, the girl conceded. _But part of your heart will always belong to Heero. The true question is how big is that part_? 

And so Relena continued to stare into the darkness of her room. The debate continued and never yielded an answer to the questions raised. Did Heero love her and di she love Heero. As she lay she could hear the crashes and bangs from Heero's room, each one making her flinch violently. Then and eerie silence was followed by rustling around and the sound of his door slamming shut. The noise of a car pulling away loudly, was all before silence returned and she was once again alone with her thoughts. 

***** 

The engine of the black sports car purred loudly, a sound that filled Heero with an bizarre sense of comfort. As a soldier adrenaline had been a constant for most of his life , and even the minuscule rush of speeding down a deserted highway made him feel better. Usually. Now the pain in his mind and the tornado of self-pitying thoughts robbed him of even that comfort. 

_You stupid, stupid_, _absolute fucking moron!_ His mind told him. _How could you be so stupid as to get pissed and say those word to Relena. How could you be so damned selfish._

__Heero had taken along time to realise how important Relena was to him. He had for a long time known that he felt something. Something more than friendship. He had thought it was because he respected her strength. He assumed it because she was so important to the peace he had fought hard to create. He felt that he cared because he had promised to protect her and wanted to keep her safe. But he was wrong. True he felt all of those things about her, but they were all part of something bigger. It had been years until he could coalesce these emotions into a word to desribe them all._ Love_. He could admit the word to himself now the damage had been done. Even after his emotional revelation, he could never verbalise his words, he dreamt of what he would say and how she would reply a thousand times. But he never could make dreams come true, he didn't deserve her, his hand were stained with too much blood. Then she met Jonathan, they went out a few times and at first she didn't seem enthused by his company, then one weekend he returned from visiting a weekend on the booze with Duo to see her skipping with joy and practically singing about how great he was. After that they had been happy ever since, he was kind, affectionate and loving. He made her happy, and it teared Heero apart inside. 

That was over now. He had wrecked everything. He had been selfish and in a drunken moment of weakness ruined their lives. Relena was happier with Jonathan, happier than he had ever seen her. If he truly loved her that would be what he wanted more than anything, for her to be happy no matter his own sorrow. That _was _what he wanted. But now that hope was dashed. Even if Relena did not love him, that did not mean she would not think of him and what he had said. How could she truly be happy with Jonathan if thoughts of him constantly crept into her mind. In one sentance he had jeapodised three peoples chance of happiness, and he own friendhip with Relena, a bond that was as dear to him as the blood in his viens. 

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot._

__Growling low at himself, he switched on the radio to escape his own mental accusations. The Lcd lit up in a flourescent green displaying the station name MAGIC 1171. It was Relena's favourite station, unfortunately for him at this current moment the airtime at night was dedicated to requests most of which were romantic. 

[ You're listening to Magic 1171 fm.] announced the Dj's smooth voice. 

{ And now a request from Adam to his girl Steph. He says he's sorry about what he said and hopes you can forgive him.] 

The car was filled with the melodic tones of a saxophone played gently in a slow romantic tune. Then came the soft singing of a woman, her words in Heero's native tongue of Japanese. 

Suki na hito ga ita nante 

maru de shiranakatta 

anata ga omoi wo tsugete 

koi wo nakushita no mo. 

futari wa dare yori mo mijika ni iru 

tomodachi shika to omotta kedo 

mae yuku anata ga kyuu ni mienaku naru 

tabun koi na no 

itsu kara ka wakaranai 

anata ga suki 

dakedo kowakute 

kidzukarenai you 

ni shite-ita no 

zutto kono mama 

kimochi wo kakusu koto wa 

dekinai kedo 

nido to tomodachi 

modorenaku nari-sou de ienai 

Aishite'ru 

anata wa nanimo iwazu ni 

tooku mitsumete-iru 

tabun anata mo watashi to 

onaji kataomoi ne. 

ima wa namida yori mo 

egao wa sukoshi tsurai kedo 

gaman suru wa 

gikochinai shigusa no wake mo itsuka wakaru 

donna toki demo 

tabun itsudemo watashi 

koko ni iru yo 

anata no suki na 

hito wo shiranakatta no wa 

kanashii kedo 

itsuka yuuki wo 

dashite anata no mae de iu kara 

aishite'ru 

sotto shimatte'ta 

takaramono mitai na kono kimochi 

azuketai 

anata ni 

tabun koi na no 

itsu kara ka wakaranai 

anata ga suki 

dakedo kowakute 

kidzukarenai you ni shite-ita no 

zutto kono mama 

kimochi wo kakusu koto wa 

dekinai kedo 

nido to tomodachi 

modorenaku nari-sou de ienai 

Aishiteru. 

donna toki demo 

tabun itsudemo watashi 

koko ni iru yo 

dakara kidzuite 

watashi no mune no oku no honki wo 

anata no suki na 

hito wo shiranakatta no wa 

kanashii kedo 

itsuka yuuki wo 

dashite anata no mae de iu kara 

Aishite'ru. 

Once again Heero, was taken aback by how the song seemed to reflect his inner feelings. He kept his emotions bottled up, never letting them show, yet here someone was singing them out to the world. Logically he blamed the statistics, with all the love songs written over the centuries it was matmatically impossible for there not to be one that was similar to his emotions. 

However coincidence or not, it did not reduce how profoundly the lyrics descdribed his situation. The girl sang that "Nothing will be the same if I say I love you," a fact that Heero now knew well. He had said those words and now everything changes. How could they still be friends after what he had said, how could he protect her and be her bodyguard knowing that she knows. 

Growling Heero knew that the problems was not going to solve itself, yanking at the steering wheel he spun the car through one-hundred and eight degrees and sped back the way had came, turning sharply at the next exit. 

TWENTY-SEVEN MINUTES LATER. 

Heero glared at the door venomously. He hated this. Doctor J had taught him to rely on nothing but his own cunning. He had trained relentlessly to survive on his wits, to be adaptable to any situation and make any modification neccessary to complete the mission. He needed no one. But Relena was something Doctor J had forgotten to prepare him for. So here he was, asking for help and advice, about so personal a dilemma. 

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he began to pound on the door loudly. _If I can't sleep nobody will, _he thought cruelly. Through his pounding he could heard a muffled voice shout, 

" Relax. I'm comin' I'm comin'." 

The door was violently pulled open, revealing a tall young man, whose long chestnut hair hung down in unruly whisps, covering his groggy face. He lifted a hand to lazily scratch underneath a basketball tee-shirt, which Heero noticed was on backwards. _He dressed in a rush, I must have interupted something, _Heero noted with amusement. The youth rubbed at his face before blinking his violet eyes rapidly. 

" Heero?," he asked. 

" Good Morning Duo," he said and barged his way into the apartment. 

" Why don't you come in," Duo said sarcastically and closed the door. 

He led Heero into the living room, shifting a stack of pizza boxes and chinese takeout trays so that his friend could sit in one of the padded leather arm chairs. Heero sat and leaning forward back with his arms folded across his chest, staring darkly at the huge widescreen television that Duo had carelessly left on all day. Grabbing the remote he switched the device off and sat opposite Heero, raking his hair back over his head. 

" So what this all about Heero?" he asked bluntly. The other pilot glared back as blankly as always, but Duo knew that something was wrong with the man. 

Just then Hilde's voice came from the bedroom, followed by Hilde herself naked as the day she was born. " Duo don't tell me you're giving up already. I could go all nigh..." Her seductive tone trailed off as she noticed Heero sitting there looking at her levelly. She flushed a bright red that was evident through her dark bangs and over the rest of her body. Covering herself with her arms clumsily, she spoke nervously. 

" H...Heero w...what are you doing here." 

" Not having as much fun as you obviously," he replied drily. 

She blushed more if possilble, " We...well it's nice to see you again." she said before shooting a dark glare at Duo, spinning on her heel and marching back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. 

" Thanks man, you've just gotten me killed." 

" Sorry," Heero muttered, causing Duo's eyes to widen. 

_Did Heero Yuy just apologize. Damn, this must be bad._

__" So Heero what it is buddy," Duo asked gently. 

" That's what I would like to know," Hilde said as she returned from the bedrom. 

_Christ, she must have flown into her clothes_, Duo thought. 

Heero stared, at the two. Both of them looked at him with concern. Both wanted to help him. But why did that make him want to turn and bolt out of the door. He lowered his head and stared at the floor, not wanting to face his friends. He had to do this, this problem was beyond his control, it had been ever since he realised he was in love. After a while he said. 

" It's Relena." 

Reacting in way Heero never expected, Duo spun to his girlfriend and said, " Hilde, you know what to do." 

" Way ahead of you," Hilde replied shortly already in motion, grabbing her car keys and walking off with a grim look of determination. When she closed the door behind her, Duo turned back to Heero who had the barest hint of confusion on his otherwise impassive face. 

" What," Heero asked. " Was that? " 

" A contingency plan." Duo said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. " You see when you first became Relena's bodyguard we all figured that it was only a matter of time before everything exploded in a melodramtic burst of teenage angst. What with the whole " history of love and obssession" and all. So me and Hilde came up with a little idea. When the situation blew up, I would come and talk it out with you and tell you what an idiot you were, and Hilde would see to Relena. Frankly I'm surprised you lasted this long." Duo finished in a rather 'matter-of-fact' tone. 

Heero brows lowered and his gaze darkened. " You know Maxwell if I did not need your help I would be tempted to kill you now." 

" Yeah well you do need my help, so you can't." 

Heero grunted, he hated it when Duo was right. Luckily it did not happen very often. 

" So what happened with Relena. When I left yesterday things seemed far from wrong." Duo said with a wide, conspiratory grin. 

" What are you babbling about," Heero snapped. 

" The dirty, sexy, ' I gotta have you now' dancing with Relena." 

Heero stared into space dumbly as he considered Duo's words, then his Prussian eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped. With a forlorn groan he buried his head in his hands. 

" Bloody hell, you must have been packing the drinks away to forget that." Duo laughed. 

" You could say that." 

" So how did you screw up such a hot scene?" 

" I told her." Heero said softly, barely more than a whisper. 

" Told her what?" Duo asked, not yet comprehending. Heero lifted his head, and the depth of despair and shame that lay in the other man's Prussian eyes gave him his answer. 

" So you finally came out with the Three Little Words., huh?" 

Heero nodded mutely. 

" Well our great love story is finally over, and it about damn time." Duo cried. " Maybe the rest of us could pack up and go home, finally able to escape her and yours little soap opera." 

" Aren't you forgetting something Duo?" 

" What could I possibly be forgetting, you tell Relena you love her, she tells you the same, you get naked and have a blast, then comes marriage. Oh what a bachelor party I'd throw for you. You do plan on making me your best man. I mean who else is crazy enough for the job. Hmmm... I wonder if she'll want a church wedding or more low key." Duo continued ranting spouting out more crazed wonderings on his fictional future of Heero and Relena. He was practically bouncing in his chair all tracesof his earlier lethargy gone in a bundle of hyperactivity.  
" Duo." 

" I wonder if I could get a stripper for the party. One dressed in a soldier's uniform, now that's kinky..." 

" Duo!" 

" Can you name your first kid Duo if you have a boy, and can I be his godafther. Y'know so he doesn't end up all morbid and suicidal like his dad..." 

" DUO!" 

At the sound of Heero's raised voice Duo stopped in mid babble. " What. God your crabby for someone who just got with the girl of his dreams. If you dream. Do you dream Heero." 

Yes he dreamt. But his dreams were actually a sub-conscious horror where all his demons arose to torment him and plague him with guilt ofor his many sins. Relena was too good for the torture of his dreams. 

" Jonathan, remember?" he said, and with that Duo's happy expression collapsed into sympathy and pity for his friend. 

Heero took in a long, shuddering breath and said. " She loves him." Never had his montone voice been so devoid of hope. The blue flames died from his eyes as he hung his head, letting his dark locks shadow his face. 

" I know," Duo sighed. He wished he could deny it, tell his friend that Relena Peacecraft would always love him, give the despairing soldier some hope. But he could not.. Even when Heero most needed it, Duo could not lie to him. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The water drops made damp patterns in the lush carpet as they dripped from her golden hair. She watched each wet mark fade as she sat limply on her bed, head bowed letting the damp locks fall around her face. Shivering slightly from the cold air of the room, she pulled her satin robe tightly around herself. She had long since aboandoned any hope of sleep, and had taken a long bath in the hope of relaxing herself. It failed. The water and suds could not wash away the thought of the boy with the unruly hair and cold eyes. 

" Heero," she said aloud and not for the first time that night. 

Her mind fogged over, and her thought were drawn back through time into her memories. She recalled the night Heero had returned to her, over a year ago now. 

*** 

Relena's eyes twitched and opened a crack, the barest hint of her azure irises shimmering beneath her lashes.With a muffled groan she pulled herself up into a sitting position, her hair spilling in unruly waves about her shoulders. Her hand rubbed at her parched throat and her tongue snaked out to lick at dry, cracked lips. She had slept with her mouth open again, the dry air of her room robbing her mouth of moisture. 

She swung her bare legs over the edge of the bed before standing. Noticing that she was dressed in just bra and panties she grabbed her satin dressing gown and wrapped it around herself. She walked through the silvery beam of moonlight that pierced through a gap in the curtains, the pale light illuminating her figure as she passed. 

She walked languidly out of her room, and down the hall. The loud rumbling snores she heard as she passed Pagan's room assured her that the gentle butler was fast asleep, so she bagan creeping along the halls upon the tips of her toes, placing each foot carefully so as not to make a sound on the varnished, pine floors and wake Pagan up. 

She ventured into the kitchen, the cold floor tiles sending pinpriacks of ice into her bare feet. She swiftly poured herself a tall glass of milk and made her way back to her room. Once there she paused as she noticed a shadow flit through the moonlight upon the balcony outside her window. She continued to stare into the night, slowly moving closer to the glass. She could no longer see no shadow, but what she could see filled her with cold dread. 

A tinge of red light shone through the window, mingled with the radiant silver of the moon. Her pulse bagan to race and her breath quicked as she saw the small dot of red, slide slowly, ever so slowly, up her thigh. The red beam rippled as it passed over the silk fold of her robe. Relena was held her breath, to frightened to breath. A thin bead of sweat sliding down her temple as the dot slowly rose over her chest coming to rest where her heart lay beneath her flesh. 

_Oh god! _She prayed silently. _Dont let it end like this. _She clenched her eyes shut tightly.__

__A near slient burst pireced the air, she heard the glass shatter as the bullet smashed through it. She yelped in pain as she felt it pierce her skin and felt the blood begin to spill from the wound.Her knees failed her and she fell to the floor. As she fell the image of icy, blue eyes 

flicked through her mind's eye.And then the floor rushed to meet her and she hit the ground hard with a slight bounce.__

__ That was not the end. She knew that she was still very alive by the shape pain which lanced continuously through her left shoulder. She brought her fingers to the wound and they came away wet, the red blood appearing black in the gloom. She could here loud thudding noises from the balcony, reminding her of the assassin and the threat to her life, and the world's peace. Clasping her hand over her shoulder in an attempt to stem the bleeding, rolled over on to her back. 

From her prone position all she looked up. The red dot danced erratically across the ceiling. Looping and zipping in all directions in a path of total chaos, leaving a strobing trail of red in its wake. Then suddenly it stopped dead, she watched it hover in still, too still. Still not believing that she was yet safe, she rolled on to her right side, hand still clamped over her left shoulder, and pulled her self into a sitting motion. She movement of every muscle in her troso sent waves of pain rippling down her arm. She gritted her teeth together and bore the pain as that was all she could do. 

The glass of the window exploded inwards, the sound making Relena's heart leap into her throat and pulse faster and faster. Two shapes burst into the room and fell heavily onto the floor, where they began wrestling violently with each other, both fighting over the gun, clasped in the larger shapes fist. The smaller of the two shadows ( that she had identified as two men), dug his nails into the other hand as he tried to tear the gun from his grasp. A growl of pain came from the large figure and the smaller on took advantage of the moment to slam the gun-totting fist repeatedly into the carpet. There was a loud snap, followed by the faint sound of falling metal as the silencer broke from the weapon. With a cry of fury and a burst of renewed strangth the larger man, grabbed hold of his smaller opponent ruthless and flipped him onto his back, banging him into the floor hard. The small attacker made no audible sign of his pain as he maintained his tenacious grasp of the gun in the other's hand. The hulking shadow tried to gain the advantage, by straddling his opponent, using his weight to keep him pinned as he yanked furiously on his gun, trying to break his enemies grip. He knew he was close to victory when one of the smaller figures hands slipped from the gun, but his victory never came as the small man balled his newly freed fingers into a fist, which he sent crashed into the larger man's face. A sinewy crack filled the room as a nose was broken, then the bigger figure yelped loudly as the enemies knee flew upwards into his groin. Pressing his attack home the smaller fighter grasped hold of his enemies hair with his free hand and pulled back sharply as he pushed the tip of the gun to his oppenents throat. Without any hesitation he squeezed the trigger. 

The shot resounded through the room like a thunderbolt. It echoed of the paper walls as well as the mental wall of Relena mind. The top of the large man's skull burst like a rotten melon, showering blood, brains and fragment of skull like exploded shrapnel.Relena turned away in disgust at the sight, squeezing her eyes shut as bile burned up her troat. 

The smaller figure grunted as he shoved the bleeding corpse from on top of him, she heard him move and fear gripped her. Was this shadow going to finish the job and kill her. Forcing herself to be strong and to face death with her head held high she turned to view this new threat. What she saw stole her breath more efficiently than any bullet could ever have. 

" Heero?" She whispered softly. 

There he was, kneeling in the silvery light of the moon. His hair hanging over his brown in dark, tousled bangs. He had hardly changed in the year since she had last seen him. He was taller and older, lean muscles bunching beneath the moss green fabric of his tank top. He was also covered in blood, it stained his jeans and was smeared over his guant face. It suited him she realised. The blood that stained him seemed part of him, as did the gun in his hand, forming the image of the perfect soldier. It was his role, where she preached her ideals of pacifism he killed to make them reality. To create a better word it was sometimes neccessary to commit most greivous offences, and Heero seemed to take them all on his young shoulders. To scarifice his own personal humanity for the sake of a unified humanity. As she watched she could still she a trail of blood slide in beads down his face, over his eyes. 

His eyes still called to her. They were ice blue, like frozen steel, death shimmered in them as light glinted of the faces of a crystal. The dark blood that framed them made his eyes shine all the more. The coldness of them sent shivers down her spine, but she was as drawn to them as ever. She could not ever explain it but his eyes fascinated her, perhaps it was because tnhey were the eyes of a man who already knew he was dead, and could not bring himself to care. Perhaps it was the image of a scared boy, who had something very precious stolen from him that she sometimes saw in their irises. Perhaps it was the hope that one day she would she the flames of passion alight in their depth for her Perhaps it was all these things. 

" Relena." he said, he voice falt and mechanical.They continued to stare at each other curiously, trying to read each other faces. The silence in the air was smothering, it hung over them like a dense fog. 

The door flew open and slammed against the wall, and the fog was gone. Four men in dark preventer uniforms and carrying large, ominous rifles ran in, instantle surrounding Heero. The young man regarded the ring of firearms impassively, as if they just didn't matter to him. His eyes continued to glint frozen blue. 

" Put the gun down, NOW!" One of the preventers screamed. The weapon thudded to the floor as Heero complied. 

" Who are ya, What are ya doing In the Vice-Minister's room."yelled the troops commander, a grizzed, old soldier with a sharp temper and scar running from brow to chin called Collins. 

" Hn," Heero replied. 

Collins swung the butt of his rifle down and smacked it into Heero's face, the boys head whipped round with the force of the impact. There was a loud crunch as the metal crashed against his cheek. 

" Collins stop!" Relena snapped. With a gentler voice she spoke to Heero. " Are you all right Heero." 

Heero said noting as he knelt there, fingers probing and the cheek that had already began to swell into an angry purple bruise, testing the extent of the damage. He glared at Collins dangerously. The man was only slightly fazed by the youth's intense stare, he attempted to cover it by turning to Relena. 

" Ma'am, you know this man?" he asked, his dubious tone apparent in his strong Texan accent. 

" Yes, he's my friend. I demand that you relase him now." 

" Ah'm sorry ma'am but he'll hafta come down to HQ for questionin'." 

" But he saved my life," Relena protested. 

" Sorry ma'am, but orders are orders. For all we know he coulda took the other guy out for a chance ta pop ya himself." Collins said. 

" That's ridiculous." 

The captain ingored her as he gestured to his men. Two Preventers roughly pulled Heero to his feet before wrenching his arms behind his back and securing them in handcuffs. Heero did not resist, he simply stood there, betraying no sign of pain at his violent treatment and keeping his eyes fixed balefully on Collins. With a shove he was started walking, still surrounded by gunpoints as he was led from the room. 

Relena made to follow, only to have Collins block her path. He looked down at her, and Relena stared back up at him with steely determination. 

" You shoud stay here ma'am where its safe," he said. 

Relena snorted, and tossed her head. " I'm coming with you so that I can see Lady une and ask her why it is neccessary to arrest my friend." 

" But ma'am if he got lose he could well finish wha' he started." 

" He did not start anything. And I am coming with you and that is that." She said, her tone and the fire in her eyes daring Collin's to challenge her. But the soldier knew he was beaten. 

" We'll awlright, but ah insist y'ride wi' me." 

Relena grumpily nodded her assent and stormed from the room, Collin's hurrying to follow. 

**2 hours later. Preventer HQ, Sanc Kingdom.**

****

****" WHY ISN'T HE LOCKED UP. THE MAN IS A TREAT TO EVERYONE AROUND HIM, ESPECIALLY RELENA." The man who was once known as Zechs Marquise yelled, the spittle that flew from his angry mouth visible even on the vid-screen. 

" Don't you're overeacting just a teeny bit, Milli,." replied Duo. 

" Be serious for once in your life Maxwell," Milliardo spat back. 

" Lady Une, may I ask what kind of half-assed operation you are running, to let a cold-blooded killer like Heero Yuy is allowed upon the same continent as my sister." 

" Heero is not a killer." Relena snapped back. 

" HE TREATENED TO KILL YOU FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" Millardo's anger had lit his face up a purple-red which clashed horribly with his plantinum hair. 

" Then he saved me." Relena retorted, fighting to retain her composure. 

" This time." 

" What does that mean," she said in a low, hard voice. 

" Relena," her brother soothed. " Heero Yuy was trained for nothing but to kill. He is a living weapon. A loose cannon, and he is dangerous. Very dangerous." 

" Hey, watch what you're saying there Zechs. Heero may be a bit intense but he's human." Duo argued in defence of his friend. 

" Is he?" Another stern voice arose from the dark-haired man who was leant against the wall, watching the whole scene through his almond-shaped eyes. 

" Wu Fei." Duo growled standing sharply from his seat. " That's your friend your speaking of." 

" All I'm saying Maxwell, is that Yuy is what Zechs describes him to be. A killer. The man had lived and breathed death since he was born. Murder hangs over him like a storm cloud. He is the Perfect weapon. It is strategically unwise, and plain foolish to think a man like that can be controlled." 

Duo's eyes glinted with a sudden violet lighgt as he clenched his hands into white-knuckled fists. Millardo smirked, smug that his opinion was shared and was being listened to. 

" However," the Chinese pilot continued. " I don't think that he poses any form of threat to Ms Peacecraft. He believes her to be instrumental in keeping the peace he helped create for some bizarre reason." Wu Fei's tone was highly dubious. 

" IF HE'S NO THREAT THEN WHY WAS HE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. STALKING HER." 

" We do not know that yet Milliardo," Lady une said evenly. " he refuses to answer any questions, and all attempt to interogate him have failed." 

The room was filled with silence as all parties collapsed into their own thoughts. Each one trying to deduce why Heero had been outside Relena's mansion, and contemplating what to do with him now. Finally a voive rose up to shatter the quiet. 

" Let me talk to him," Relena said firmly, standing up to face Lady Une with a determined glare. 

" What?" Duo asked. 

" Let me see him. He'll talk to me," she suggested again, her tone wavering slightly like a child who was trying to convice her parents of something. Her brother however was livid in his refusal. 

" ABOSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION!" He raged. 

Relena turned her body so as to present her back to the furious image of her brother. She faced Lady Une staunchly, head held high as she pulled herself to her full height as if trying to make herself seem bigger. 

" Let me talk to him. Alone. You can post a guard outside if you wish, but you know he would not hurt me. I need to see him." 

" NO RELENA. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT YOU ARE GOING ANY WHERE NEAR THAT MAN! AND THAT'S FINAL. HE IS A COLD...." 

Lady Une rose from her desk and crossed the room. Millardo still screaming upon the screen, not noticing her approach. She reached over and tapped a button on a nearby console. The digital image of an angry prince vanished from the screen in mid-rant. Smiling to herself she turned round and her grin vanished. 

" Okay Relena, I'll show you where he is." 

Leaning up on the tips of her toes Relena peeped through the tiny window built into the ominous face of the heavy steel door. She squinted until the fuzzy, smudged images became clear. Until she could see him. 

He sat silently behind a plain, wooden desk. His arms were crossed idly upon the smooth, dark surface. His head hung low dispondently as he stared at the desk, his face obscured behind his thick, dark hair. Her heart went out to him. The tenseness the Perfect Soldier usually displayed was gone from his posture. There was no sense of poise or readiness about him like there was during the war. He was not ready to fight or kill, he was not on guard. He just did not care, and could not bring himself to attempt it. He seemed hopeless, empty. Like a man who was dead, yet had yet to fall down. 

Dried blood was still crusted in his tanktop, and upon the skin of his arms and neck. She knew it still stained his face, even though she could not see. He looked so tired, she could see world-weary exhaustion all about him. As if he were tired of living. 

She turned to Lady Une and requested a picture of water and two glasses, the Preventer Commander sent a soldier running off on the errand. Satisfied, Relena twisted the handle, the door unlocked with a loud clang, then she entered the small room. 

His head shot up when she entered, suddenly tense. His eyes glinted hauntingly, as he saw it was her. Convinced she was no threat he sat back in his chair, but he did not relax. He just sat there, watching her with a silent grimace and cold eyes. The silence in the room seemed to shake the walls and quake beneath the floor. Finally she broke the quiet. 

" I've come to talk to you Heero." 

" Why?" he responded tonelessly. 

" It's been a whole year." 

" It has." 

" How have you been?" She asked followed by a mental slap_ What a stupid question._

" I'm alive," he answered, as if that was all that needed to be said. 

_Tough room, _Relena thought as she sat across from him. " Where have you been all this time?" 

" Hear and there," he replied. " Not far." 

She fought valiantly against the urge to sigh or roll her eyes, or take a hold of his top with two fists and shake him until he started to talk. The mental picture of her using " bad cop" tactics of interrogation on the stolid youth threatened to bring a smirk to her lips, she surpressed it. It was time to cut the crap and get to the point. 

" What were you doing on my balcony Heero?" She asked sternly. 

" My mission," he stated simply. Relena blinked in mild confusion. 

" What mission." 

" My only mission, now" he said with a hint of bitterness. 

Fixing him with a level stare, catching his eyes with her own and trying to read what lay in their frozen depths, she continued her questioning determinately. 

" What is your mission?" 

He stared back at her, and for a moment something unknown flashed in his eyes, something warm. Something hot and searing that for the second it was there, peered in to Relena's soul and treatened to melt her. She was almost drowning in that Prussian, blue fire. 

" You are." 

Those words at once confused and thrilled her. She shuddered, suddenly feeling vulnerable, naked to his icy gaze which attempted to see into her soul. The words he said indicated care, concern affection. Things she had longed to feel from him. Yet he had said them in that same dull, emotionless tone. As if she was just a mission, a task, an object. She needed to know more. 

" Who gave you this mission Heero ?" 

" I did," he replied. 

She fought the urge not to let her jaw drop, or her brows furrow, or to display any other indication of the confusion and surprise that response had barraged her with. She had braced herself for all possible answers, Doctor J, her brother, the ESUN, even Duo. But it was his own action, not an order, perhaps he was finally acting upon his emotions, perhaps he really did care. Her heart began to soar upon warm currents of hope as she asked the next question. 

" Why?" 

He looked her strangely for a moment, as if trying to read her. He seemed curious, as his head tilted slightly as he regarded her. 

" Don't you remember?" 

She could not help show her bewilderment this time as his question sunk in. She pondered his words, _Remember What?_

" Remember what?" She asked. 

" On Libra," he said as if probing her reaction. " I promised you that I would protect you?" 

How could she forget. The words of that vow were like her favourite movie. She replayed them in her head whenever she was sad, lonely or hurt. They echoed in her dreams as she remembered how close they had been then, and cursed the barriers of the spacesuits that had seperated them. 

" I remember. So is that why you are here. To keep your promise." 

" Yes. You are my mission now." 

Her heart plummeted again like a bird shot from the sky. So this was just about a promise. She was just another mission, but one that was self-inflicted by virtue of his soldiers honour. She willed herself to be strong, not to shed a tear in feeling for the man who had no feelings of his own. 

" How long have you been on this _mission_." She spat the last word as if tasted bitter. 

" Seven months, twenty-eight days and fourteen hours." He said robotically. 

She gaped at him. Nearly eight months. Eight months he had been there, in the shadows. He had followed her everywhere, watched her sleep. _He might even have watched_ _me shower_ she thought with a slight blush. Her shock soon gave way to anger. Her nails scratched the tables as her hands balled into fists. She thought of all the times, she had cried wondering where he was. If he was alive. If he had been killed on a mission, if he had destroyed himself, if he had found someone else. All those thoughts of him, and he had been there all along. Hiding in the dark corners of her life like a poisonous snake. She glared at him furiously, and her stared back impassively. 

" How could you," she hissed. " All this time and not a word. All those people who were worried about you, and who missed you. And you were right there spying on me." She had risen swiftly from her seat, and now leaned across the desk, peering into his eyes through her own narrowed blue orbs. He sat there and looked back, uneffected or uncaring of her fury. 

" It was neccessary for the mission." He replied coldly. 

With a growl and a sudden burst of energy she slapped her hands on the surface of the desk, a loud clap resounding through the small room. Heero's eyes widened slightly, unaccustomed to such a violent reaction from the pacifist princess. Happy that she managed to wrestle even a tiny reaction from the stone-faced soldier, she continued to force-feed him a piece of her mind, bit by bit. 

" Damn it Heero, this I'm not an Oz base or some mobile suit. I'm a person. I have feelings, emotions, hopes and dreams. I am not just a mission or an object to be dealt with. You have no right to treat me as such. The war is over Heero, you can't go on toying with the emotions of those who care for you. We're all human too, even if you like to deny it." She watched him, staring at his face and in his eyes for any sign that her word were having any impact. There was none. Now too infuriated to stand still, she began pacing the room. Throwing another spiteful comment at him . 

" Just because you have no feelings does not give you the right to trample all over other peoples,' she spat. 

Heero blinked and dropped his gaze. Relena did not notice as she continued pacing, wondering how she could have missed him all this time. Even now she could feel him. His presence made her skin tingle and her pulse sing through her veins. She had always been able to sense him somehow. In the war when he came to kill her, she had known he was there before he had even pulled out the gun. But for eight months she had felt nothing. _Wait a minute Eight months!?_ Her eyes widened as she spotted the missing piece of the puzzle. _He's been gone for fourteen._

__" Heero," she asked suddenly calm. The dark-haired youth looked up at her. " If you've been _protecting_ me for eight months. Where were you for the other six?" 

Something passed over his eyes. A void of despair and emptiness absorbed in his irises. Once again he looked dead, a breathing corpse. But as swiftly as it had appeared the void vanished, once again hidden behind walls of prussian-blue ice. 

" After I left the hospital, after the Marimeia incident, I wandered the earth and through space. I watched the people rebuilding their towns and cities after the battles. They all seemed so determined to get on with their lives, so happy that they finally experienced peace. Thanking God and thanking you for that peace. As I travelled I saw many people in many places, but it was the same everywhere. Joy and hope had spread through the people of the earth and the colonies like sunlight through a darkened room. But it all seemed so alien to me. As if happiness was hung in front of me, but every time I reached for it I grasped only air." 

Heero paused, he looked up at Relena. She looked back at him, rapt in his words, concern and sorrow dwelling in her azure eyes. Shrouding himself in the mask of the perfect soldier he continued. 

" I visited the other Gundam pilots at first. But they all had lives of their own. Wu Fei had dived headfirst into his job as a Preventer, he and Sally putting out every fire, dealing with every problem that risked the fragile peace you had achieved, and growing closer as they did. Trowa was happy in the circus takiing comfort in the pleasure he could bring to the audience with his stunts and clowning. Quatre reconciled with his family and began learning the family buisiness, settling into his new role as CEO of Winner Enterprises. He took regular breaks to visit Dorothy who he helped to gain her feet and find her place in her world of peace, she began to see war as the horror it was and with his financial advice set up her own fashion company. Soon " Catalonia" was a top of the range fashion label. Duo set up his salvage yard, and got " reaquainted " with Hilde who he made his partner. But as was typical for him he found it too boring and let her run the buisiness as he joined the Preventers. I even met up with Sylvia Noventa, who had become active in the world of politics and was campaigning for a place in the ESUN senate, and was founding a war orphanage in her Grandfather's memory. She forgave me again as she had done when I offered her my gun, she even asked me to stay with her." 

At hearing this Relena's eyes narrowed. Her heart twinged with something that she refused to acknowledge as jealousy. However it continued to nag at her, along with a stab of self-doubt. She had met the Noventa girl, and she was very pretty. She couldn't blame Heero if he found her attractive. Heero seemed to notice her change of expression and rose his eyebrow questioningly, unsure what it meant. 

" I could not stay though. It felt wrong. I felt wrong. It was the same wherever I went. I felt as if I didn't belong. The people around me all seemed fake, two-dimentional as if they were not real. I felt as if I were black and white in a world of colours that I could not conceive. I tried to fit in. I got jobs and threw myself into my work, but it never lasted long. There was something wrong with me. Then I remembered something Wu Fei had said to me as we fought in the skies above earth. He had said that I could only acknowledge my existence through fighting. And then I knew what was wrong with me." 

Heero's fist tightened, the knuckles truning white. Heero sat like a statue, stony and impassive but now the coldness of his aura radiated from him. Relena shivered just being near him. She wondered why her breath did not cloud into vapour as the room suddenly grew chill as his icy eyes regarded her. 

" I was not built for peace. I cannot survive in it. Like a fish out of water, I cannot live without death clouding over me." Relena shook her head, trying to deny his words but unable to say a word. He either did not see or ignored her as he continued. " The other pilots became soldiers out of circumstance. They have something else, something which makes them human. They have something to offer the world, and that allows them to leave in a peaceful world with peace in their souls." 

The cold intensified. It surrounded him like a cloak of frost. The room seemed to darken as if the coldness from Heero was stealing all the warmth and light. Relena listened to his words and could only mangage a weak " No." 

" I have no soul. I was designed solely for war, I do not have a place in peace. I am not a soldier who uses a weapon. _I am _the weapon. As deadly as the bullet of a gun, as cold as the steel of the sword. I am useless without a battle to fight, I cannot live without a mission to complete." 

Relena snapped from her trance. She could not stand to hear any more. She could not bear to hear this man, who had more strength than all the men she had ever met combined, deny his worth and refute his own humanity. 

" No Heero. You can not think that. You know its not true. You have to." She wailed as she sat down in front of him, and leaned across the desk taking his cold hand in hers and sharing her warmth with him. His eyes looked at her with out emotion, and hers returned with enough feeling for both of them as tears glistened in her eyes, making her cerulean irises shimmer like the waves of the sea. 

" But," he said softly and she thought she felt his fingers tighten about her own. " Then I saw you. And as I sat in that dingy bar and watched you on the TV with no sound, I saw the sun shine throughout your hair as if they were one, it seemed as if your locks were made from the rays of the sun itself. Then I remembered my promise, and realised I had a mission. You. I made it my sole task in life to protect you, and by doing do I can give something to the world by keeping the peace and the one who brought it to the world." 

" That is when you began following me. You were defending me from the shadows. 

" Yes." He said returning to the one sentence answers. " It was my mission." 

Silence then stretched out between them. They sat each watching the other, Relena tried to read Heero. Searching for any sign of life in those blue depths. Heero glared back with a face of granite. She could not hoild his gaze for long, and soon dropped her eyes to escape the frosty intensity of that stareShe stared at the desk, watching her fingers nervously figit and fiddle with each other as she pondered what had been said. Finally she spoke without thought. 

" Then protect me as it should be done." 

" Hn?" He grunted in question, his eyebrow quirking up again. 

" Protect me, she repeated. " As my bodyguard." 

He said nothing, just stared at her. 

" If guarding me is your mission, then guard me. Work for me, be my bodyguard and perform your mission." 

Still he said nothing. It was irritating her immensely. 

" Well, what do you say?" She pressed impatiently. 

" Mission accepted," was the cold reply. 

*** 

Relena slowly buttoned up her thin cotton blouse as the memories lifted from her vision like fog before the light of the sun. That was how Heero Yuy had re-entered her life. He was as good as his word and guarded her with unwavering devotion. Yet as time passed the loneliness of her position and his life grew on them and they reached to each other for solace. He became her bulwark against the pressure of her job, against the stresses and pain of life, and she tried to break the icy walls of the Perfect Soldier, she went in search of the man inside. 

But no matter many times she had cried on his shoulder, how many jokes she had told in an effort to get him to crack as smile, how she asked him about his troubles and tried to take awaya the pain and tradgedy that haunted his dreams, his eyes never changed. He smirked, even joked in a fashion, although it was usually sharp-humoured and vitrous sarcasm, it never touched his eyes. 

Like frozen steel they remained. The intensity of his glare was enough to freeze a room, to darken the sky. She had stared into their depths thousands upon thousands of times, trying to find some hint of emotion. So many times that they appeared in her mind eye like he was right in front of her. Every shade of blue, every play of the light on their surface was stored in her minds eye. Yes his eyes haunted her even to this day. The way the blue waves swirled in his irises like wild ocean, like a storm, frlashing occasionally as if lightning had struck in his pupils, 

Then another pair of eyes floated through her mind. These were not blue but green. Glistening emeralds that shone with a warmth that Heero's eye had never possessed. The light in those eyes was like a green sun. It made her skin tingle as if she and brought her such peace and comfort, like the warm glow of a hearth in winter. But it was the knowledge of what that light meant that exilerated her. Love. Love for her. Something she had never seen in Heero's eyes. 

Except that last night as he ran his fingers through her hair and over her face. As he whispered the words her heart had longed to hear since she was fifteen, there had been something. Something in his eyes that she had not seen since the day she saw him in that interrogation room. Fire. Blue fire that threatened to consume her soul, as if she had fallen into 

a river of lava, molten flames that threatened to drown her and smother her with their heat. 

But what did it mean, how had that fire melted through the layers of ice. Did Heero mean what he said. Did he truly love her. Or was he just drunk, and the fire was just the light of liqour in his blood. She did not know. And this riddle was killing her. 

She froze in her thoughts. The door was knocked again, this time slightly louder. She sighed as she closed her eyes, she did not want to deal with people yet. She wanted to get back into bed and crawl up, to pulled the curtains closed and shut out the world. To say to ther world 

" I'm sorry Relena Peacecraft is not in right now, but if you would like to leave a meassage after the beep, she'll try to get back to after she picks up the peices of her confused and scattered heart." But she was the Vice Foreign Minister, there were treaties to review, delegates to pacify and a mountain of paperwork to sign. _Fuck, _she thought. 

" Come in," she called to the person on the other side of the wood-panneled door. 

Paygan entered, with polite smile that did not tough the grey eyes set in narrow lids lined with wrinkles. His hair fell in snowy waves upon his starched colar, and his white moustache was trimmed to perfection as it lined his wrinkled jowels. 

" Ah Miss Relena, glad to see you are awake. And quite early as well." 

" Good Morning Paygan," she greeted with false joy. 

The old man seemed to consider her a moment, his eyes sparkling with rejuvenated youth as he seemed to probe her for something. Then he quickly returned to his polite, traditional demenor. 

" Miss Schbieker is here to see you Ma'am." he said. 

" Hilde?" she said eyes widening. _Why is she here so early? I would have thought that Duo would have kept her "busy" this time in the morning._

__" Oh, show her in then please," she asked. 

The old man bowed slightly and with great formality, and dissappeared in to the hallway. Soon he was replaced by Hilde, her wild, dark hair in greater diarray than usual. She wore a troubled frown, concern and worry shimmered in her sky blue eyes. Seeing her friend so unsettled 

made Relena's welcoming smile melt away. She quickly ushered the German girl into the bedroom so that she was sat at the foot of the bed, and closed the door. 

" Hilde what's wrong?" she asked softly as she joined the other woman on the bed. 

" I dunno Relena, you tell me." 

The princess stared at Hilde for a while, blinking slowly. Her brow furrowed slightly. 

" What?," she asked finally. 

" Heero came by earlier today," Hilde said, then her voice tightening she added " Very early." 

At mention of Perfect Soldiers name Relena's composure shattered and her shoulders slumped as her breath came out in a long, drawn out sigh. She could no longer hold her friends gaze and her eyes dropped to study the woven pattern of her bed clothes. She began ringing her hands. 

" What did he say?" she asked to softly it was almost a whisper. 

" Nothing," Hilde replied calmly. Relena head shot up to look at her friend with her azure eyes wide open. 

" He said nothing, I left before Duo could finally crack his stony exterior and get him to spill the beans. But I did learn that something happened between the two of you, but I think I would have known that even if he had not admitted it. Its always something with you two. Nevertheless I'll just have to get the recounting of the actual events from you. And please dont leave out any details." Hilde said, before crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. waiting patiently. Knowing there was no avoiding it, Relena began. 

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End file.
